Jokes / The Best Answering Machine Messages Recorded

Filed in: Arts and Entertainment

Last Modified Jan 21, 2008 at 12:20 AM EST by groberts

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These are supposedly answering machine messages recorded and verified by the International Institute of Answering Machine Messages (not sure if such an institute exists - in fact I checked on the Internet and could not find any such institute. Regardless, the messages are worth a chuckle):

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1

Message #10:

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now. But if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

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2 Message # 9: Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at t... more view view
3 Message 8: This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think a... more view view
4

Message # 7:

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

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5 Message # 6: Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are ... more view view
6

Message # 5:

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

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7

Message #4:

Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy"
message, I'll call sooner.

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8

Message #3:

Hi. Now YOU say something.

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9

Message # 2:

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

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10 And the # 1 actual answering machine message: Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing... more view view
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