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Jokes / The Best Answering Machine Messages Recorded

Filed in: Arts and Entertainment

Tagged with joke, jokes, laughter, laugh, humor, wit, fun, funny,answering machine, recorded messages, best, voice messages, voice mail, voicemail, telephone, recorded, funny, cute

Last Modified Jan 21, 2008 at 12:20 AM PST by groberts

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Rated by 1 Cylivers

These are supposedly answering machine messages recorded and verified by the International Institute of Answering Machine Messages (not sure if such an institute exists - in fact I checked on the Internet and could not find any such institute. Regardless, the messages are worth a chuckle):

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1

Message #10:

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now. But if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

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2 Message # 9: Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at t... more

Message # 9: 

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

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3 Message 8: This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think a... more

Message 8:

This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.

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4

Message # 7:

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

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5 Message # 6: Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are ... more

Message # 6:

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

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6

Message # 5:

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

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7

Message #4:

Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy"
message, I'll call sooner.

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8

Message #3:

Hi. Now YOU say something.

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9

Message # 2:

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

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10 And the # 1 actual answering machine message: Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing... more

And the # 1 actual answering machine message:

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

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Jokes

A collection of jokes

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