Quotations / Funny Jokes of Comedians and Celebrities
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Tagged with quote, quotations, quotes, oneliners,fun, funny, jokes, laughter, wit, witty, humor, humorous, comedy, comedian, comedians, chris rock, jerry seinfeld, celebrities, bill maher, dennis miller, jon stewart, woody allen, david letterman, johnny carson, george burns, best, excellent, funniest, j
Last Modified Oct 06, 2008 at 08:52 PM EDT by pwallaceViewed 1169 time(s)
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Bill Maher, Dennis Miller, Jon Stewart, Woody Allen, David Letterman, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Johnny Carson, George Burns and many more - all are some great comedians ..and here are some of their best jokes!
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Person | Where & When? | Topic | Quote | Why? | Rating | ||
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| A. Whitney Brown | - | China | China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you're a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. | - |
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| Abraham Lincoln | - | Coffee | If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. If this is tea, please bring me some coffee. | - |
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| Aristophanes | - | Women | These impossible women! How do they get around us! The poet was right: can't live with them, or without them! | - |
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| Bill Braudis | - | Driver's Test |
I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?"
I said, "I don't know... look around, listen to the radio..." |
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| Bill Dwyer | - | Insurance policies | My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. | - |
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| Bill Maher | - | L.A. | L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson -- and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait. | - |
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| Bill Maher | - | Confession | I was raised half Jewish and half Catholic. When I'd go to confession, I'd say "Bless me, father, for I have sinned -- and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen." | - |
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| Bill Maher | - | Suicide | I believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think he's great. Because suicide is our way of saying to God, "You can't fire me. I quit." | - |
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| Bob Newhart show - Sy Rosen | - | Death |
Bob: "Emily, aren't you afraid of death?"
Emily: "I just think of it as a part of life." Bob: "Yeah. The last part." |
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| Bobcat Goldthwait | - | Animals | Animals may be our friends. But they won't pick you up at the airport. | - |
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