by 1 Cylivers
- When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
- Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
- Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
- Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
- If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
- If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
- If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.
- Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.
- If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are a cheap ass.
- If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.
- Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."
- Never ask a bartender "what's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
- Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
- If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
- Never preface a conversation with a bartender with "I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . ."
