- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
- Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without
- your help.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
- If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
- If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
- You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
- When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative one.
- The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
- The trouble with work is - it's so daily.
- The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
- Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy. Check 3 friends. If they are OK, you're it.
- Pain and suffering are inevitable but misery is optional.
- Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing.
